Feeding Kids

I took a child development course in college in which one section focused on child nutrition.  I learned some really valuable principles when it comes to feeding children; I have added some of my own along the way.  Here are some helpful tips to avoid mealtime conflict:

1. The family eats together and eats the same meal.  The arguments have been made and won regarding family dinnertime, so I'll leave that issue for now.  As often as possible, eat breakfast and lunch together too.  The chances for conversation are priceless, as well as the opportunity to model good nutrition, manners, and social skills.  DO NOT make something different for a child that refuses to eat what is served.  This is the #1 rule of feeding children.  I repeat, DO NOT make something different for someone that doesn't like what the family is having.  Oftentimes, they realize they like the food after all.  Even if they don't, kids will not and cannot starve themselves.  Even several days without eating won't hurt a healthy child.  And trust me, they won't let it go that long.  One slip of making a PB&J or mac & cheese, and they will work you over every time you make something that doesn't hit their top 10 list.  Allow your children to try new things.  Allow them to have gratitude for food, even if it isn't their favorite.  
2. The meal consists of several different dishes.  This helps mitigate the initial damage from rule #1. You know your children's likes and dislikes, so if you're making a main dish that someone doesn't like, just make sure there is a side dish that they do like.  Be sure not to tell them that you handpicked this dish just for them because they don't like the other stuff.  Children need to know that the family eats together and they eat the same meal.  This doesn't mean everyone eats everything on the table.  It won't harm your child if all they eat for dinner one night is bread and butter.  
3. The kitchen is 'closed' between loosely scheduled meal and snack times.  If children are allowed free and constant access to food, some of them will graze and snack all day.  When mealtime comes, they won't have room for the nutritious meal you made because they are full of snacks.  Then, essentially, they are choosing their nutrition, not you.  Establish flexible times for meals and snacks so your children know what to expect and if they are hungry, they know they can wait a few more minutes because mealtime is close.  Our culture as a whole doesn't know what hunger feels like anymore because we eat so much and eat when we aren't hungry.  There's nothing wrong with feeling slightly hungry for a little while.  It build self-control and character!
4. Children serve themselves what they want to eat.  Starting in the toddler years, allow and encourage your children to serve themselves.  This teaches them to gauge their appetite and match it to portion sizes, a needed life skill.  At first, and periodically, give suggestions ("start with just a small amount"), and mild warnings ("that might be too much for you") to guide them and avoid waste.  This principle of free choice shows respect to the child's autonomy and encourages independence.  Another part to this idea is to take your share.  I have trained my children to gauge their portion size with respect to the number of people that need to eat.  If there are 6 people at the table, they know they can't eat more than about 1/6 of the dish.  This is good manners.  
5. Children are expected to eat what they take.  This is the corollary to #4.  I often find myself saying "You can always take more, but once you take it, you can't put it back."  It's better to start with a small serving and take another later, than take too much and waste it.  As children are expected to eat what they take, they eventually learn to only take what they'll eat.
6. Fullness is respected.  Even with #5 being said, no one should be forced to finish their food.  Teaching our children to eat when they're hungry and stop when they're full is essential.  But...if someone is too full to eat their dinner, they are still too full 1/2 hour later when they suddenly want a snack.  Don't allow a delayed version of #1.  On the flip side, respect your children's hunger.  Sometimes I forget that my growing boy could indeed be hungry again only an hour after dinner and I need to allow him to eat.
7. One bite of a new food is required.  When you introduce something new or unusual, require each child to at least take one bite.  Even if they don't like it and won't eat any more, they learn to try  new things and are introduced to new flavors and cuisines.  It's almost tragic when children refuse to eat a food, only to find out later that they really like it and should have given it a go a long time ago!
8. Children are encouraged to eat their veggies.  While most of these principles revolve around respecting children and their choices, please encourage and mildly require they eat their veggies.  Few children voluntarily eat their vegetables, and we need to make sure they not only get the proper nutrition, but also develop a taste for them that will serve them for the rest of their lives.  As we eat more nutritious foods, we like more nutritious foods.  Don't allow vegetables to be a periodic and strange food.  Learn new ways to cook veggies if no one likes them--it might just be that you aren't very good at it yet.  

When I've attended meal events with adults and children, it makes me sad to hear the all-too-common "eat 5 more bites before you get up again!" or to watch parents actually force-feed their food.  Mealtime is an unpleasant battlefield where children choose their stubborn will as their weapon.  Instead, put these principles in place as a structure for positive interaction, learning, and fun.  Good luck and happy eating!

Summer!

Now for a little expansion on my last post about our summer schedule.  I would like to reiterate that this schedule is for our convenience.  There have already been days, and there will be more, when we completely dispense with the schedule because something bigger is going on (for example: summer camps, company, etc.).  My summer schedule is really a guide for long, open days.  When our days are already scheduled for us and busy, we go with that.  Trying to do both is stressful, which goes against the whole point.  

Our week features a different theme each day.  Before the day begins we already have a plan for what we are going to do and when.  I am a planner (can you tell?), so usually Sunday evening is our family planning day.  We discuss any formal plans or schedules and coordinate.  The event only takes up part of the day, except for rare occasions, so they don’t feel like I’m smothering them.  Some of our themes we’ve used are:

• Cleaning Day consists of one big cleaning job that we all complete together, such as deep cleaning a room.  I limit the time involved to about an hour or so, and then they have free time for the rest of the day.  Simple.  We don’t spend the whole day cleaning.  Yes, it’s more work to have little ones help you clean than doing it yourself.  No, it doesn’t get as clean as it would doing it yourself.  But we turn on music and have as much fun as someone can when cleaning.  And believe it or not, all these years of having my kids do chores are starting to pay off.  My teenagers are pretty decent housekeepers if I keep my finger on them.  I like to remind them that the maid isn’t coming today (I’m still waiting for her), and I can’t do it all, so they have to pitch in.

• Cooking Day:  it’s important to me to teach my kids how to cook good food.  Cooking day consists of all of us making a recipe together.  Sometimes it’s basic, like bread and sometimes it’s fun like caramel apples.  But we have a lot of fun doing it and I hope they are learning skills for the future.  Oh, and everyone helps clean up.

• Outing Day has been as simple as a picnic at the park and as complicated as riding the city bus into town and window shopping for the afternoon.  (Try it—your kids will love it)  My kids like to give suggestions and I make the final plans.  Some fun things we’ve done  include touring local businesses (candy factory, honey/beehive business, dairy), hikes, visiting dad at work for lunch, making boats from recycled trash and racing them in the stream at the park, and eating out.

• Movie Day: we watch a movie, sometimes in our pajamas, complete with popcorn and other treats.  Make sure you turn off the ringers and don’t answer the door.

• Friend Day is when each child gets to schedule a play date with a friend at our house.  This is usually reserved for those friends not in our neighborhood—you know the ones that you actually have to call beforehand.

• Library Day:  we’re big readers at our house and we go to the library regularly.  Library day serves two purposes:  to remind me to get us there often, and to keep the kids reading--if they know they have to return a book on a certain day, they'll make sure they finish it before then.  We also participate in the summer reading program so the kids are motivated to go and redeem prizes, etc.  Usually I schedule library day before movie day so we have a few movies to choose from.

I hope you send your summer activity ideas my way so I can add to this list.   Next time, look forward to a post about how I get my kids to pitch in even more.  This goes way beyond chores. 

Schedules

Summertime is a bittersweet season for me.  My Southern California-raised self thrives in the warm sunshine, and I enjoy the kids being out of school.  But I also thrive on a schedule, and the long unorganized days can start to stress me out.  I guess I'm kind of a control freak.  I need structure, but not too much.  There is an art to using a schedule to one's advantage, but not allowing it to rule and burden and cause stress.

I am a firm believer that adults and children thrive when their environment is not chaotic.  Some days it's fun to laze and be tossed with the winds of whim, but on a regular basis, our home operates with organization, even in the summer.  Here are some ideas that have proven helpful in our family:

• While we don't have a set bedtime, we do have a regular bedtime.  It ebbs and flows with our activities, but doesn't vary greatly.
• As much as I'd like to sleep in without an alarm every day, I don't.  I need to get my exercise in early so it isn't superseded by other demands on my time.  My hubby and I allow ourselves a couple of days each week to sleep as long as we want, but the other days we get up at a reasonable hour and get going.  Why waste the beautiful summer weather in bed?  My kids wake up at their leisure, but due to our bedtime, no one sleeps very late.
• We don't eat according to the clock, but we have regular meals as a family (whoever is home).  Nutrition is improved, kitchen order is improved, and we can connect every few hours between all the activity.
• Children must have their chores, music practice, and morning routine finished before they can go anywhere, and usually before lunchtime if they are staying home.
• I devise a loose schedule at the beginning of the summer to guide our activities, prevent sameness and boredom, and have the kids pitch in at home more since they have more free time.  Each day is assigned a simple theme that we follow as long as there isn't another big event at the same time, like out-of-town visitors or summer camp. (More on this schedule next time)
• Sunday evening is our family planning meeting.  We talk about what is scheduled for the week and who needs to be where and when.  We can also make any extra plans we want, and get organized for upcoming events.  When everyone is aware ahead of time, we can avoid scheduling conflicts and surprises.
• I allow my children to make most of their own decisions about how they spend their time.  There are some days when we have a family outing or family movie party for example, that each child is required to participate without friends.  I also occasionally ask the younger ones to grab a book and go relax with it.  When these things happen, no one complains even if it wasn't what they would have chosen.  It affirms to me that they thrive on a little bit of structure, especially when they've had their freedom.
• When our days become too busy and I feel my stress level rising, I let go of the scheduled stuff a little.  If my schedule isn't being a positive in our family life, then I let it go for awhile and pick it back up when things slow down.  When my schedule is driving me, then I know it's too much.  When I'm feeling like we're getting the most out of our time and enjoying each other, then I know the schedule is in its proper place.

So, I'm anxious for your ideas on how you deal with the change from school year to summertime?