Feeding Kids

I took a child development course in college in which one section focused on child nutrition.  I learned some really valuable principles when it comes to feeding children; I have added some of my own along the way.  Here are some helpful tips to avoid mealtime conflict:

1. The family eats together and eats the same meal.  The arguments have been made and won regarding family dinnertime, so I'll leave that issue for now.  As often as possible, eat breakfast and lunch together too.  The chances for conversation are priceless, as well as the opportunity to model good nutrition, manners, and social skills.  DO NOT make something different for a child that refuses to eat what is served.  This is the #1 rule of feeding children.  I repeat, DO NOT make something different for someone that doesn't like what the family is having.  Oftentimes, they realize they like the food after all.  Even if they don't, kids will not and cannot starve themselves.  Even several days without eating won't hurt a healthy child.  And trust me, they won't let it go that long.  One slip of making a PB&J or mac & cheese, and they will work you over every time you make something that doesn't hit their top 10 list.  Allow your children to try new things.  Allow them to have gratitude for food, even if it isn't their favorite.  
2. The meal consists of several different dishes.  This helps mitigate the initial damage from rule #1. You know your children's likes and dislikes, so if you're making a main dish that someone doesn't like, just make sure there is a side dish that they do like.  Be sure not to tell them that you handpicked this dish just for them because they don't like the other stuff.  Children need to know that the family eats together and they eat the same meal.  This doesn't mean everyone eats everything on the table.  It won't harm your child if all they eat for dinner one night is bread and butter.  
3. The kitchen is 'closed' between loosely scheduled meal and snack times.  If children are allowed free and constant access to food, some of them will graze and snack all day.  When mealtime comes, they won't have room for the nutritious meal you made because they are full of snacks.  Then, essentially, they are choosing their nutrition, not you.  Establish flexible times for meals and snacks so your children know what to expect and if they are hungry, they know they can wait a few more minutes because mealtime is close.  Our culture as a whole doesn't know what hunger feels like anymore because we eat so much and eat when we aren't hungry.  There's nothing wrong with feeling slightly hungry for a little while.  It build self-control and character!
4. Children serve themselves what they want to eat.  Starting in the toddler years, allow and encourage your children to serve themselves.  This teaches them to gauge their appetite and match it to portion sizes, a needed life skill.  At first, and periodically, give suggestions ("start with just a small amount"), and mild warnings ("that might be too much for you") to guide them and avoid waste.  This principle of free choice shows respect to the child's autonomy and encourages independence.  Another part to this idea is to take your share.  I have trained my children to gauge their portion size with respect to the number of people that need to eat.  If there are 6 people at the table, they know they can't eat more than about 1/6 of the dish.  This is good manners.  
5. Children are expected to eat what they take.  This is the corollary to #4.  I often find myself saying "You can always take more, but once you take it, you can't put it back."  It's better to start with a small serving and take another later, than take too much and waste it.  As children are expected to eat what they take, they eventually learn to only take what they'll eat.
6. Fullness is respected.  Even with #5 being said, no one should be forced to finish their food.  Teaching our children to eat when they're hungry and stop when they're full is essential.  But...if someone is too full to eat their dinner, they are still too full 1/2 hour later when they suddenly want a snack.  Don't allow a delayed version of #1.  On the flip side, respect your children's hunger.  Sometimes I forget that my growing boy could indeed be hungry again only an hour after dinner and I need to allow him to eat.
7. One bite of a new food is required.  When you introduce something new or unusual, require each child to at least take one bite.  Even if they don't like it and won't eat any more, they learn to try  new things and are introduced to new flavors and cuisines.  It's almost tragic when children refuse to eat a food, only to find out later that they really like it and should have given it a go a long time ago!
8. Children are encouraged to eat their veggies.  While most of these principles revolve around respecting children and their choices, please encourage and mildly require they eat their veggies.  Few children voluntarily eat their vegetables, and we need to make sure they not only get the proper nutrition, but also develop a taste for them that will serve them for the rest of their lives.  As we eat more nutritious foods, we like more nutritious foods.  Don't allow vegetables to be a periodic and strange food.  Learn new ways to cook veggies if no one likes them--it might just be that you aren't very good at it yet.  

When I've attended meal events with adults and children, it makes me sad to hear the all-too-common "eat 5 more bites before you get up again!" or to watch parents actually force-feed their food.  Mealtime is an unpleasant battlefield where children choose their stubborn will as their weapon.  Instead, put these principles in place as a structure for positive interaction, learning, and fun.  Good luck and happy eating!