Little Things

It's time to get practical.  I have generalized and philosophized thus far and wanted to start talking about some great ideas that have simplified my daily life.  You'll either realize at this point what a big nerd I am or say to yourself, "why didn't I think of that?"  I hope it is the latter reaction, but at this point in my blogging, I'll pretty much take any reaction I can get because that means someone is reading this.

If I can save 3 minutes today and every day, I save 21 minutes a week.  That adds up fast to give me an extra day each year.  And it's much easier to find ways to save several minutes rather than bigger chunks of time.
For example, my spice racks.  A small part of my life, but ripe with extra minutes to shave off.  Yes I had multiple spice racks.  One was a wedding gift that had preprinted jar lids.  About a quarter of them we never used; one we hadn't even heard of 16 years ago--fenugreek (we threw it into soup once in awhile just for kicks).  Not wanting to be wasteful, I used the 'useless' spice jars anyway, filling them with the spices I use and hoping to remember that the fenugreek jar really had ground sage in it.  One rack was a mother's day gift with jars that weren't labeled and kept me guessing.  When we moved I finally threw away the contents of several that I simply couldn't remember what they were.  Then I got a set of jars sans rack for another gift that I stored in my cupboard next to my stove.  I had to pull out several in order to retrieve the one in the back.  I also am prepared for emergencies like the one I had last time I made a turkey and stuffing when I had no rubbed sage and the stores were sold out--seriously.  Hubby went on a search to no avail and my neighbors didn't have any either.  I know I know.  This is why we moved actually.  So I have a box of spices down in my basement food storage room.  Which adds to the mystery of what is where and what is in that container? 

I cook a lot and make nearly everything from scratch.  I hope I have painted a clear picture of my fiasco of a spice system so you understand when I tell you now how much time I wasted looking for seasonings at dinner time.  Those recipes that are supposed to be 20-minute endeavors took way too long. 

I took the opportunity of a new kitchen to get organized in this failing area of my life and bought new spice jars.  They all match this time.  I have a wide drawer next to my range that was going to be my spice central.  I figured out how many spice jars would fit in that drawer.  I labeled the tops of the jars so I can see them upon opening the drawer and only pull out the one I want.  And, get this:  I alphabetized them.  I know.

I wish I was smart enough to have known what a good system I have before I started, but I really learned the benefits of my good idea after I did it. 

--Spices are in a dark drawer rather than on the countertop which prolongs the shelf life of the spices.

--Spice jars have wide mouths for dipping a teaspoon in.  No more trying to pour out the powdered stuff and have the whole clumpy lot fall out.

--Spices are protected from the greasy kitchen dust in an enclosed location.

I am sure I save myself at least 3 minutes every time I cook and plan on doing some Christmas baking with all the time I accumuluate.  How do you save yourself time in the kitchen?  What are you going to do with your extra time?

Dating

My  husband and I celebrated our 16th anniversary this past summer.  So why am I writing about dating?  Because it is one of the major ways we keep our marriage beautiful.  My husband takes me on a date every week.  It is something I look forward to all week long.  I am so thankful for that time, that 'out,' that connection.  But most of all I know that I matter to him.  Our marriage matters to him.  And to me.  And that is why our weekly date night is set in stone.

Last Friday he came home from work with a bouquet of roses for me and we set out on our usual routine:

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care."

We ended up at a buffet because hubby really wanted a salad bar.  It didn't matter where we went.  We sat and talked and ate and he handed me a gift box.  I asked him what the special occasion was.  He just wanted to spend some of the money that was burning a hole in his pocket.  And he loves me.  He bought me a gift and brought me roses for no special reason at all.  I felt really loved and appreciated.  (The bonus was that he spent his own personal money on it--I won't see the bill)

It was a beautiful gesture that I will always remember.  It made me think that I don't put forth enough effort to surprise him with tokens of my love and appreciation.  It made me want to try harder to do that.  It can be much simpler than flowers and a gift.  Making the bed before he gets to it.  Offering a shoulder rub.  Bringing him his favorite soda.  Stopping to say hi at his workplace while I'm running errands.  Making his favorite meal.  All those little things that I would want someone to do for me, except more personalized to his preferences.

I get told all the time how lucky I am to go on a weekly date.  There is no luck to it.  Yes, I am very blessed to have a husband who holds that as priority, but we both put forth the effort to make sure it happens. 

-It is part of our monthly budget.  We have hit that long-looked-forward-to point of our lives where we don't have to hire a babysitter, but back a few years we still budgeted for dates, babysitters and all.  
-We schedule our dates at the first of the week.  Usually it's Friday but if there is another event we work around it.
-We are flexible.  Sometimes when money was tight we took a walk together, attended a free lecture, went to the park and ate homemade sandwiches.  It doesn't have to be dinner and movie to be a date.  A couple weeks back we went grocery shopping.  The point is that we do something together without the kids.

It's easy to let my marriage be the background for the rest of my life.  But when it's rough-going between us my whole world is turned upside down.  And when we're close and things are smooth my days are happy.  That is worth planning for.

Christmas Miracle

The Christmas miracle I seek and fail to see every year is a simple Christmas season.  I want to sit by the tree and my imaginary fireplace, cookies in the oven and hot cocoa in my hand.  I'm involved in a good book while the children merrily sing carols and laugh and play.  Oh, and the house is spotless. 

I don't think this is too much to ask.  I'm getting closer each year.  I'm a notoriously early Christmas shopper.  I've bought things for Christmas before last year's Christmas.  I'm always at the day-after-Christmas sales.  I love a good deal on a great item.  But most of all, I love feeling like a squirrel with its cheeks full of nuts before the snow starts to fall.  So this is my first strategy--don't spend my Christmas season in the stores.  I get it done beforehand.  In order not to miss some of the Christmas decorations and that festive hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, we always have a few odds and ends to buy up during the month of December.  But while everyone else is fighting traffic, parking, long lines, and the cold, I am (see paragraph 1).

Strategy #2: get those neighbor and friend gifts delivered early in the month of December.  In years past I have been hours up until Christmas still driving those plates of goodies around in my car, turning corners slowly, telling the kids not to drop the plate but also to hurry fast.  I've also spent entire days creating and compiling and delivering those plates so that when it's over I am near sugar-coma (can you really bake without doing that???) and also wishing I didn't have so many friends.  So I have learned to pace myself.  I make a master list of who we'd like to give something to.  Then I enjoy baking something each day that I find time.  I take something to several people on the list each day.  Eventually I get done, but no marathons.  And when I start early enough, I still have a couple of weeks before Christmas gets here.

Strategy #3 is one I'm still working on.  That dreaded Christmas letter.  I never start early enough.  I never know how to start it.  And I hate doing the family picture to go along with it.  I've considered abandoning the tradition, but I value those letters as a piece of our family history.  Maybe I need to set a goal to have the letter started before Thanksgiving. 

Strategy #4 is how I handle the shipping.  With 15 siblings between my hubby and I, mailing all those gifts would be disastrous to our budget.  So, again, I plan ahead.  With a family reunion each year for one side or the other I can conveniently eliminate the need to mail Christmas gifts to one side of the family.  So I endure the looks I get from handing out Christmas packages in the summer.  With the rest of the family I have gifts ready and wrapped and labeled.  Sometime during the year someone comes through for a visit or someone nearby is going to see someone far away.  I hand out my gifts and ask them to take them in their luggage when they go to see someone on the other side of the country.  And then I sit back and relax.  This year my side of the family decided to draw names and I am loving it!  We had to buy one gift instead of three; now that is simplifying!  I'm thinking right now about all those people standing in line at the post office.
 
This year we had a family discussion and each person got to suggest a Christmas activity they really wanted to do.  I want to avoid the last minute effort to squeeze in that one thing that someone had their heart set on, when all I really want to do is (see paragraph 1).  I had the calendar open and we scheduled each event right then.  So between watching "Elf," sledding, baking cookies, and making a gingerbread house there should be plenty of down time to (see paragraph 1).  I just have to figure out that pesky spotless house thing...and the missing fireplace...and the cheerful children.  I'll get there.

Stuff

We recently moved to a new house.  Though it was a local move, it was still a LOT of work.  I'm not a pack rat but I was amazed at the amount of stuff we accumulated.  I took the move as a good opportunity to purge my household of unneeded stuff. 

I use the word stuff because I'm not sure what else to call it.  Junk isn't the right word because much of it was useful.  It wasn't technically clutter because it was all put away.  And it was all kinds of miscellaneous things.  Some of it was easy to get rid of--clothes that didn't get worn, books with torn covers and missing pages.  Some of it was extremely difficult like keepsakes my children had made for me, gifts I had received but didn't really need or like.  I struggled with some of those items.  There was the guilt factor because someone had given it to me and they might feel bad if I got rid of it, or you just don't get rid of such a nice thing.  I really went back and forth with myself.  I finally put them in a box, dropped it off at the thrift store donation center, and drove away.  My reaction was unexpected because instead of regret I felt immense relief, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.  I felt free.  I didn't even know this stuff was weighing me down, but being rid of it was liberating.  It made me want to get rid of more stuff.  And I did over and over again.  And it felt GOOD! 

So, how do you purge?  Go through each closet, drawer, shelf, box, etc.  As you consider your "stuff" ask yourself:

*When was the last time you used it? 
*Do you like it? 
*Is there a place where it belongs? (sometimes a clue to something being unneeded and unwanted is that is seems to "float" around the house and never really finds a home) 
*Is it useful? 
*Is it broken or missing parts?  If so, can it be fixed?  If so, are you really going to fix it anytime soon??? 

As you answer these questions you will start to realize what you can keep and what you can toss.  Don't throw away any useful items.  Donate them to a charitable organization or thrift store.  But don't fall into the trap of giving them to someone else in your household; that is only a devious way to keep stuff that you don't need.  It has to leave the house.  And don't be discouraged if your pile is small.  As you purge it becomes addictive and you will get more serious as you go.  Be patient.

A word about the guilt factor.  People are going to give you things every Christmas and birthday and Valentine's and anniversary for the rest of your life.  It is physically impossible to keep it all.  The way I decide is not clear cut, but there are some basic principles.  First, if you are going to get rid of it, take a digital photo first.  Usually we keep these kinds of things for the memory and a photo solves this.  Second, keep the especially meaningful cards and letters in a file and throw away the rest.  The thoughtful person achieved their intent by communicating their feelings for you and you graciously internalized those thoughts.  The card isn't the value, the thought is.  And third, if you really don't like or need the gift, someone else will.  You aren't eliminating the unfortunate mismatch of their gift and your preference by stashing it in a closet where it will never see the light.  You're just trying to forget about it.  By donating it you are keeping the goodwill in which it was given and passing on the item to someone who will appreciate it more than you.

Yes, I gave away some of my children's belongings.  Yes, I did feel a little bit bad while doing it.  No, they haven't noticed.  The key to purging someone else's stuff is to be careful.  If you think they are amenable to the idea, by all means involve them.  You can be the encouragement they need to do it.  I would never do it with another adult's belongings, but I didn't hesitate with my kids.  Case in point:  my children are still hoarding their valentine cards from two years ago.  I know my kids well enough that I knew what I could trash and what was important to them.  If I was in doubt, I left it alone. 

So why go to the trouble and mental discomfort of purging anyway?  Because the emotional freedom is reason enough.  But the more I can simplify my belongings, the lower my stress level: how do you feel when you are in a cluttered space versus a clean and orderly room?  I also save myself time spent cleaning, organizing, pushing aside to look for something else.  And as I have downsized I want less.  When I'm shopping I pause before I buy--do I want to find a place to put this?  Do I really need it?  It saves me money and maintains my simplified existence.

If you don't believe me, I challenge you to try it for yourself. 

Never Say Never

Today is a big day for me.  I said I'd never blog and here I am.  What prompted this blog was some uncomfortable feelings I was having recently.  As a stay-at-home mom whose children are nearly all in school during the day, I have a little bit of free time.  This is a new discovery to me as I have had children underfoot for the last 14 years of my life.  Now I have small portions of my day that are quiet and I can actually choose what to do with myself.  My husband works a full-time job and also maintains a brain full of vision and ideas about business ventures or inventions or home improvement projects.  I was inwardly lamenting the irony of my lack of something to occupy my free time and his wish for more free time in which to accomplish all his grand ideas.  I don't have the creative vision he does but I have a real desire to contribute to the world, or at least contribute to my family.  Don't get me wrong--I fully value my role as mother and wife.  I know I am doing the best thing with my life right now that I can in raising children and maintaining a strong marriage.  But I don't want to let those moments of unscheduled-ness turn into wasted time.  I could be making money to pay off our home or donate to worthy causes.  I could be volunteering in my community.  I could...I could...Then I realized how much I contribute to our household in reality.  Because I can relate to tangible things, something I can wrap my brain around, I began to mentally calculate how I save our family money.  In cooking from scratch, cutting my family's hair, riding my bike when I could drive etc. I "earn a paycheck."  It would be nice to see a check come in the mail, but instead I don't see money going out of the checking account to pay for some of the things that I can do myself.  That is when I began to appreciate how much I have to share with others about how to simplify our lives.  I live a charmed life.  I am truly blessed.  I don't deserve the bounty and the beauty that surround me.  So I do my best to take care of those blessings and then share them.  So I plan to blog about ways in which I've learned to simplify and beautify what God has given me.