Journaling

I have kept a journal most of my life.  I record the important events like our children being born, big decisions we've made, or spiritual experiences I want to remember.  I usually let long periods of time go between each entry and then feel like I have to write an epic entry to catch up.  It's overwhelming because you really can't capture 8 months or so in a few pages.  So oftentimes, I avoid it since I am daunted by the task of filling in the big gap.  I was also thinking regretfully of my lack of journaling during my courtship and engagement with my husband.  I was too busy being wrapped up in him to write.  I wish I knew the exact day of our first date and the way I knew I was in love with him.  Most of it is lost to my memory and I wish I could relive the parts I've forgotten.  So when it was suggested to me that I write just a few lines every single day I knew it was the solution.  My knee-jerk reaction was thinking that you can't really do justice to life in a few lines.  But I countered with, "well, a few lines is better than what you're doing now--which is nothing."  So I write in my journal every night before bed.  I'll write some of the things I did during the day or capture a thought I had about a member of my family or what I am thankful for.  Sometimes I just write something funny one of the kids said.  It's been very satisfying to me to fill up the pages of my journal in this way.  I think I'm capturing more closely my 'real' life by recording daily events than I do when I write about the big events.  Periodically I want to record a longer entry when I need to, but for now, this fits my life.  How do you journal?

Laundry

I recently heard a woman lament over her daily tasks, one of which was to throw in a load of laundry--every day.  I was shocked.  I realized that I have a great laundry system.  I learned by example while growing up and have added some of my own ideas.

1. Do laundry only once a week.  Pick a day and set it in stone.  Unless someone has an accident or we make an unusually messy mess, everything goes in our dirty clothes baskets and stays there until Tuesday.  I also keep a smaller basket with large holes all over it for ventilation in the laundry room for wet dirty things to avoid mold in the bedroom baskets.   BENEFITS:  1: Doing laundry only weekly reduces the volume of laundry because doing it more often gives you a chance to go looking for things to clean in order to make a full load.  2: You will also save energy because you are washing full loads rather than daily small loads.  3: More household order because when laundry is a daily event, it is always in some part of the process, which means you always have laundry out, which means a mess.  4: Children learn to economize by not changing clothes multiple times per day or throwing clean clothes in the laundry basket to avoid putting it away when they know they have a whole week before it will be returned to them.
2. Allow your children to fold their own laundry and put it away.  Pick an age when your children are old enough to start folding their own laundry and deliver them a pile of freshly washed laundry.  They need to fold it and put it away.  We started this at age 6 in our family.  Teach them the basics and then let them do it even if it's not 'right' or 'good.'  Be patient.  The goal is not to have picturesque dresser drawers.  The goal is to raise independent children.  BENEFITS:  1: Children learn life skills and gain confidence as they master those skills.  2: Children gain a sense of ownership and pride in their possessions and management of life.  3: Your workload is lightened.
3. Allow your children to wash their own laundry when they are mature enough.  This isn't always an age-based decision.  Some of my children were ready to start doing their own laundry at age 11 and some not until 13.  Just like me, they get one day a week to do their laundry.  BENEFITS:  1: Children learn to use the laundry machines and basic laundry principles.  (My daughter learned this lesson the hard way recently when she washed new jeans with something white and had to figure out how to reverse the damage).  2:  Again, children take ownership.  They learn that there is no laundry fairy.  3:  Again, children learn to economize by not producing more laundry than they are willing to wash and put away.
4. To work up to #3, allow your children to wash a load of something a couple of years before they are ready to do laundry.  We started with the throw rugs and towels.  One child is responsible for washing all the bathroom towels or all the throw rugs once a week and putting them away neatly.  BENEFITS:  1: They learn laundry basics in a simple setting.  It's hard to mess up towels.  2: Your load is lightened. 
5. Develop a system and teach your family to use it.  Have a designated place for dirty clothes, sorting laundry, clean laundry (I have a dirty basket in each bedroom and a 4-bag sorter in the laundry room and two baskets for clean things).  Make policies about how and where laundry is to be folded.  (My pet peeve is laundry in the living room so we have a rule that they have to fold it in their bedrooms or in the laundry room.  My other pet peeve was piles of clothes all over the floor during laundry day, which motivated me to buy the laundry sorter and additional baskets)  BENEFITS:  1: You don't have to wander the house looking for stray laundry on laundry day.  2: Clean and dirty clothes aren't getting mixed up.  3: Regular systems streamline the time you spend on chores because you aren't thinking and solving problems as you go along.  Decide once how it's done and then turn on auto-pilot.

I appreciate my mom's example of laundry once a week.  It makes my laundry day full, but it frees up the rest of the week for other tasks.  One thing I wish she had done was to allow me to do my own laundry.  We had to fold all the household laundry once it was washed, but I had to call her when I went away to college to figure out the washing machine.  One of my favorite things to say to kids when they complain about helping with the laundry (because they will at first) is "You don't have to do it as long as you don't wear clothes."  So far no one's taken me up on that.

The "S" word and the "F" word

No, I'm not going PG-13 on you.  I heard someone talking about the "F" word recently--FINISH. Finishing a task is sometimes the hardest part.  It is also the most satisfying.  This woman's take on finishing was that we would save ourselves a lot of time and trouble if we just finished.  How many times do we start folding that basket of laundry and go onto something else only to find that half-finished basket still there 2 days later?  A few minutes is all it would take to complete the chore, but for some reason we put it off thinking we don't have the time right now.  When faced with a large project I usually get the bulk of it done and then kind of let the remaining details fall into place gradually.  Take for instance painting a room.  We get the painting done, but how long does it take us to replace the furniture and put all the painting supplies away?  Days or weeks in our house.  I have made an effort lately to finish 100% the projects that I start and the satisfaction of a job well done is so much greater than when I do most of it, vowing to myself to do it later.  Try it.

So, now the "S" word--START.  I usually have several minute tasks at hand...those tasks that aren't significant enough to make it onto my to-do list.  So in consequence they get ignored and forgotten.  But every once in awhile the piles aggravate me and the missing buttons become a problem.  This morning I had a rare window of time in which everyone was at school or asleep.  I decided to tackle some of these mini to-dos.  I straightened the books on my book shelf, put new toilet paper rolls in each bathroom, processed the pile of papers under my purse, returned my reusable bags to the car from the counter where they had been sitting since my last shopping trip, stuck the pile of pins on my dresser in my pin cushion, organized my husband's dresser top, put the stuff on my closet floor away, and emptied the trash even though it wasn't overflowing yet.  Examples of things that don't stop the household from running or even make anyone notice when they're completed.  But small things often add up to a big deal, and I feel like I can start my day now a little less weighed down.  How do you motivate yourself to start and/or finish the things on or off of your to-do list?

Un-simplifying Life

I did something last month that really complicated my life.  Anti-simplification.  Extra work and frustration.  More worry and expense.  This seems to go against everything I believe in.  But I did it anyway.  Actually, we did it: we got a dog.  I swore I'd never have another dog in this lifetime.  I was waiting until the next one, you know, when they are designed without tongues, butts, or fur.  What got into me?

I guess my desire to focus on the family, spend more time doing what the kids are interested in, that kind of thing is what prompted it all.  The kids have been asking for a dog for years.  Our last dog was really out to get me.  Her name wasn't Betsy Bad Dog for no reason.  She had a personal vendetta against me--and I against her as a result.  So it happened I swore off dogs.

And now we have one. 

Result: the laughter, fun, excitement, and cooperation in our house has doubled.  Sometimes you have to do a little bit of work in order to create a happy experience.  Shaun and I were discussing similar things this past weekend and our discussion prompted him to use his Christmas money on games to play as a family.  I was impressed by that and so spent hours of my precious Sunday (my favorite day of the week) putting puzzles together with the kids and reading stories.  And it was the best Sunday I've had in a long time.  I have high hopes for this dog. 

P.S. He doesn't always wear a tie. 

Labeling

Labeling is one way in which I save myself a lot of time and frustration.  I like to use a labeler that prints out little stickers because of the neatness, but you can just as effectively label with a marker, masking tape or other adhesive labels.  Why label?

1. I live with lots of other people.  They don't all share my "a place for everything and everything in its place" philosophy.  When I label it makes the odds that they'll return an object to its place a little more likely because it is obvious where it belongs.

2. I can't count on my hands how many "Mom, where is the...?" questions I receive each day.  It has been even more frequent lately because of our recent move.  I save myself the time of showing someone where something is when I can simply point them toward the right closet and they can do the rest.

3. I really can't remember where I decided to store each and every little thing all the time.  Labeling saves me the time of opening several drawers or boxes to figure out which one contains what I'm trying to put away.  It also saves me the search time when I need it.  I'm more likely to put things away right now when I know exactly where it goes. 

Here is an example of one part of my closet:

I had to make an intial investment of time and money to get my closet organized to my liking, but I know it has saved me more time than I initially spent to set it up.  I'd love to see your ideas or suggestions on keeping your stuff where you want it.

Little Things

It's time to get practical.  I have generalized and philosophized thus far and wanted to start talking about some great ideas that have simplified my daily life.  You'll either realize at this point what a big nerd I am or say to yourself, "why didn't I think of that?"  I hope it is the latter reaction, but at this point in my blogging, I'll pretty much take any reaction I can get because that means someone is reading this.

If I can save 3 minutes today and every day, I save 21 minutes a week.  That adds up fast to give me an extra day each year.  And it's much easier to find ways to save several minutes rather than bigger chunks of time.
For example, my spice racks.  A small part of my life, but ripe with extra minutes to shave off.  Yes I had multiple spice racks.  One was a wedding gift that had preprinted jar lids.  About a quarter of them we never used; one we hadn't even heard of 16 years ago--fenugreek (we threw it into soup once in awhile just for kicks).  Not wanting to be wasteful, I used the 'useless' spice jars anyway, filling them with the spices I use and hoping to remember that the fenugreek jar really had ground sage in it.  One rack was a mother's day gift with jars that weren't labeled and kept me guessing.  When we moved I finally threw away the contents of several that I simply couldn't remember what they were.  Then I got a set of jars sans rack for another gift that I stored in my cupboard next to my stove.  I had to pull out several in order to retrieve the one in the back.  I also am prepared for emergencies like the one I had last time I made a turkey and stuffing when I had no rubbed sage and the stores were sold out--seriously.  Hubby went on a search to no avail and my neighbors didn't have any either.  I know I know.  This is why we moved actually.  So I have a box of spices down in my basement food storage room.  Which adds to the mystery of what is where and what is in that container? 

I cook a lot and make nearly everything from scratch.  I hope I have painted a clear picture of my fiasco of a spice system so you understand when I tell you now how much time I wasted looking for seasonings at dinner time.  Those recipes that are supposed to be 20-minute endeavors took way too long. 

I took the opportunity of a new kitchen to get organized in this failing area of my life and bought new spice jars.  They all match this time.  I have a wide drawer next to my range that was going to be my spice central.  I figured out how many spice jars would fit in that drawer.  I labeled the tops of the jars so I can see them upon opening the drawer and only pull out the one I want.  And, get this:  I alphabetized them.  I know.

I wish I was smart enough to have known what a good system I have before I started, but I really learned the benefits of my good idea after I did it. 

--Spices are in a dark drawer rather than on the countertop which prolongs the shelf life of the spices.

--Spice jars have wide mouths for dipping a teaspoon in.  No more trying to pour out the powdered stuff and have the whole clumpy lot fall out.

--Spices are protected from the greasy kitchen dust in an enclosed location.

I am sure I save myself at least 3 minutes every time I cook and plan on doing some Christmas baking with all the time I accumuluate.  How do you save yourself time in the kitchen?  What are you going to do with your extra time?

Dating

My  husband and I celebrated our 16th anniversary this past summer.  So why am I writing about dating?  Because it is one of the major ways we keep our marriage beautiful.  My husband takes me on a date every week.  It is something I look forward to all week long.  I am so thankful for that time, that 'out,' that connection.  But most of all I know that I matter to him.  Our marriage matters to him.  And to me.  And that is why our weekly date night is set in stone.

Last Friday he came home from work with a bouquet of roses for me and we set out on our usual routine:

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care."

We ended up at a buffet because hubby really wanted a salad bar.  It didn't matter where we went.  We sat and talked and ate and he handed me a gift box.  I asked him what the special occasion was.  He just wanted to spend some of the money that was burning a hole in his pocket.  And he loves me.  He bought me a gift and brought me roses for no special reason at all.  I felt really loved and appreciated.  (The bonus was that he spent his own personal money on it--I won't see the bill)

It was a beautiful gesture that I will always remember.  It made me think that I don't put forth enough effort to surprise him with tokens of my love and appreciation.  It made me want to try harder to do that.  It can be much simpler than flowers and a gift.  Making the bed before he gets to it.  Offering a shoulder rub.  Bringing him his favorite soda.  Stopping to say hi at his workplace while I'm running errands.  Making his favorite meal.  All those little things that I would want someone to do for me, except more personalized to his preferences.

I get told all the time how lucky I am to go on a weekly date.  There is no luck to it.  Yes, I am very blessed to have a husband who holds that as priority, but we both put forth the effort to make sure it happens. 

-It is part of our monthly budget.  We have hit that long-looked-forward-to point of our lives where we don't have to hire a babysitter, but back a few years we still budgeted for dates, babysitters and all.  
-We schedule our dates at the first of the week.  Usually it's Friday but if there is another event we work around it.
-We are flexible.  Sometimes when money was tight we took a walk together, attended a free lecture, went to the park and ate homemade sandwiches.  It doesn't have to be dinner and movie to be a date.  A couple weeks back we went grocery shopping.  The point is that we do something together without the kids.

It's easy to let my marriage be the background for the rest of my life.  But when it's rough-going between us my whole world is turned upside down.  And when we're close and things are smooth my days are happy.  That is worth planning for.